Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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