this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
