I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
