I've blown a few things in my day
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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