well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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