i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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