He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
