I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
