im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
