chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
