i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
