he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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