Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
