allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
