speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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