She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
