there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize