Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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