Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
