no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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