they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just gift wrapped bread.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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