turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
