they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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