somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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