just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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