i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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