idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize