i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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