his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
