I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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