1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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