She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
