You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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