We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
pop tarts are not kleenex
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
