It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
