I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Randomize
