i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
