Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
