All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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