so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
