really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
