We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
