my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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