I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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