I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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