It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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