I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
