Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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