Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
