I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
