No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize