How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
