tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize