Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
