Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
