her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
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