just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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