We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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