Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
