You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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