you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
