just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
