Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
