based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
