you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
