dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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