I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Randomize
