i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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