Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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