My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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