Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
