she was so not down for the gang bang
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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