Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
